Drew’s Cool Penthouse Article

I’ve been meaning to do this post this for a few weeks, but I had a feature run in the September issue of Penthouse that I’m pretty proud of. I asked my editor, the indomitable Mish Way, if she’d be cool with me putting it on my blog––as of now, Penthouse‘s features are print-only––and she said yes as long as I told the good readers of Drew’s Cool Blog where they could buy the issue online. So, again, buy the issue online. It’s also got a crazy feature from the great Seth Ferranti, which is worth the price of the issue alone.

Anyways, here’s a scan of the piece. The title is a very obvious Janet Malcolm reference. The scan is text-only because I originally made it so that I could send it to my mom.

Thanks a ton to everybody who was nice enough to speak with me for the piece, and thanks to Emilie Friedlander, Paul Blest, and Philip Marschall for having a look at it before I filed and telling me whether it sucked or not.

 

a cool new blog post on my cool blog

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Image stolen from my friend Nolan’s Instagram

The other day, WordPress sent me an email telling me that my domain name had expired and I needed to buy it again. Despite having not posted something on here in, like, six months, the fact that I have a blog––and that I think that said blog is cool––is central to my identity. Without drewscoolblog.com, I am nothing. Samson without hair. Gore Vidal without a million stories about famous people. Late-90s Puff Daddy without his mother, his two sons, a new girlfriend, an ex, two personal assistants, Shyne, a personal photographer, a video cameraman, twenty producers, engineers, songwriters, a bodyguard, and his biographer. So, I coughed up a hundred bucks and bought the domain again. To celebrate, here is a very good Spice 1 song that I bought a 12-inch of the other day:

something something something, here’s a new blog post

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Here is a picture of a tape Yo Gotti made as a teen when he rapped as Lil Yo. Please enjoy it and its tangential connection to this post.

Let me go on the record as saying that Blac Youngsta’s Fuck Everybody tape is real real good. He’s from Memphis, which is the state next to North Carolina, which is where I am currently typing this at two in the morning, and he’s down with Yo Gotti’s CMG clique. Between CMG’s Blac Youngsta and Snootie Wild both making dents in the scene and its amazingly named b-teamer Wave Chapelle, Gotti’s proven himself a more apt judge of talent than your favorite rap blogger and/or Elliott Wilson (who is no one’s favorite rap blogger).

I first heard Blac Youngsta when Charlotte’s Power 98 played his record “Beat It” with Rich Homie Quan a while back. “Beat It” is pretty heavily dominated by Quan and so by design it’s doesn’t show Blac Youngsta’s magnetism the way Fuck Everybody tracks like “School” or “Gun On Me” or “Hustler for Mine (feat. YFN Lucci)” do, but a co-sign from a reliable radio presence like Quan is often what it takes for a buzzing Southern rapper artist to cinch radio play in markets outside their hometown.

Similarly, Power 98’s also been spinning YFN Lucci’s “Key to the Streets” and D.R.A.M.’s “Broccoli” a good bit lately, both of which illustrate the previous principle (“Key to the Streets” is by no means the best that Lucci’s Wish Me Well 2 has to offer, but it’s got Migos and Trouble on it; “Broccoli” features Lil Yachty who despite being a relative newcomer is so popular that radio can’t ignore him), as well as this weird contrition the music industry apparently has about dudes getting their beats jacked. Drake, of course, cut off the momentum of D.R.A.M.’s “Cha Cha” by turning the song into “Hotline Bling.” And Lucci, who’s been steadily building momentum in Atlanta ever since the original Wish Me Well, got undercut by goddamn Bryson Tiller, who used the “Perfect” beat to make some shitty song that ended up being dude’s breakout single (there’s some contention online about whose track actually came out first, so this might not actually be a case of industry astroturfing in favor of Tiller, and even if it was it could have just been bad luck. Regardless, I am probably going to hold it against Tiller until the sun engulfs the earth.)

Anyways, the point here is that history is evidently correcting itself, and oh yeah this blog post was originally supposed to be about Blac Youngsta’s “On Me,” so you should listen to that. K love you bye

We Mobbin (Like You Wanna Be My Bride)

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The other night I listened to Bobby Brackins’ album, because sometimes people do weird shit while they’re walking their dog. Anyways, I actually found myself enjoying what’s ultimately a peppy, low-stakes rap-n-bullshit album that’s much stranger than it needs to be.. The intro features Ty Dolla $ign which should be enough to make you listen, G-Eazy’s half-assed verse on “Hot Box” is oddly comforting if only because it reveals him as the hot/generic Roach Gigz clone he was always meant to be, and “Fuck Boy” kinda sounds like a ratchet version of Roxy Music except not at all.

But I’m not going to sit here with a straight face and tell you to listen to a Bobby Brackins album all the way through—I’m a contrarian but I’m not THAT much of a contrarian. But I’m totally comfortable with sitting here and telling you to listen to Bobby Brackins’ “My Bride” all the way through. Between the wall of fuzzy, shoegaze-y guitars and Bobby’s first verse in which he gushes to his mom about how excited he is to get married, the song is less B-Legit and more Belle & Sebastian or Built to Spill or some shit like that. It’s completely fascinating, and besides you already clicked the link so you might as well listen to the damn song.

a cool list of my favorite songs of 2016, because i am bored

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Sup y’all! I’m sitting in a chair, blogging. That chair is in North Carolina, which is sick because North Carolina is sick. I haven’t posted a lot on my cool blog lately because I’ve had other shit to do—namely, I’ve been working on this one long ass article and driving across the country with my college roommate and compulsively googling foods that my dog can/cannot eat on my phone—but now I’m stationary, and according to my Benghazi Twitter Acrostic of the Day calendar the year is half over, so I thought I would tell you about the music that I listened to and thought was good.

Before I start, a disclaimer: I spent approximately zero time this year listening to Chance the Rapper, Radiohead, Anohni, James Blake, Car Seat Headrest, or Zayn Malik. I will get around to them I promise, maybe. This list is by no means comprehensive and if you can think of some shit that I didn’t include on this that I might enjoy, please hmu up on Twitter and tell me what to listen to.

SINGLES:

Lil Yachty – “Minnesota”

When Yachty first dropped I didn’t like him, and this should have been my first sign that I am getting old as fuck. Now that I like this song, I am officially young again.

Buck – “Faces”

My college roommate Nolan showed me this song on our drive from Los Angeles to North Carolina, and we ended up listening to it about a billion times in the car. Buck is an openly gay bro-country singer, and as long as he keeps making songs as good as “Faces,” he is going to be famous as fuck.

Pinegrove – “Old Friends”

Yet another song my old college roommate Nolan showed me on our cross-country journey. Pinegrove is not more bro-country, but they capture the same small-town existential angst that Buck taps into. Instead, “Old Friends” lands at the intersection of pop-punk and alt-country, minus the annoying bits of each. Somewhere Ryan Adams is listening to this and trying to invent a time machine so he can go back and write this song instead of these guys kinda like a hipster version of Biff and the sports scores in Back to the Future II.

Kvelertak – “1985”

Imagen Holdsteady but kvlt.

Curren$y/Alchemist – “Vibrations”

The entirety of Curren$y and Alchemist’s Carrolton Heist is incredible, but this one really takes the cake for me. Curren$y makes unassailable rap music for adults. You cannot fuck with him, especially when he takes a New Orleans classic (Juvie’s “Ha”) and rewires it to embody smoky N.O. jazz.

Classixx f. T-Pain – “Whatever I Want”

I never stopped loving T-Pain.

Kevin Gates – “2 Phones”

Truly an anthem for our times.

Future – “Perkys Calling”

Not sure if this is ;( or :”) but we’re definitely dealing with mixed emojis here.

White Lung – “Kiss Me When I Bleed”

There’s something about this track captures the ineffable spirit of survival in the face of fuckshit.

Jackie Chain – “123 Points”

I wrote a bazillion word profile of Jackie Chain because he is an interesting person and makes really great country rap tunes and more people should listen to his music always.

Denzel Curry – “ULT”

Denzel’s Imperial is to Memphis-influenced militant Miami hell-rap as Fugazi’s Repeater  is to hardcore, which makes “ULT” whatever song from Repeater is most like “ULT.” That metaphor realllllllly fell apart there, sorry. Let’s say “ULT” is like “Turnover,” if only so I can get the fuck out of this blurb and onto the next blurb.

Diarrhea Planet – “Headband”

Ambitious stoners who make rock turn in a slab of genuine stoner rock, as sublime as any nug Kyuss ever dropped.

Spark Master Tape – “Tenkkeys”

This song is good.

Lil Uzi Vert – “Money Longer”

This song is also good.

ALBUMS

Pictureplane – Technomancer
I’ve always had a soft spot for Pictureplane, and his cyber-sexual technopunk makes more sense now than ever before.

Lil Ugly Mane – Oblivion Access
Anybody who raps, “Your third eye’s just a fuckin’ hole in your head” is A-OK in my book. Lil Ugly Mane has threatened that this is his last album, and if it’s true, at least dude went out on a high note.

Aesop Rock – The Impossible Kid
I didn’t put these albums in order but this might actually be my favorite album of the year. The underground-rap version of Jay’s The Black Album, minus the retirement talk, plus an issue of the LRB.

YFN Lucci – Wish Me Well 2
Probably my second-favorite album of the year? YFN Lucci man, fuckin’ a.

DJ Burn One and the Five Points Bakery – Thousandfold
The ATL country-rap stalwart made a yoga album with his band. This is basically everything I could ask an ambient record to be—challenging and full of texture when I want to tune in, unobtrusive when I don’t.

OK that’s five albums, that’s good enough, I have other shit to do bye.

 

one 4 the heartbreak, two 4 the fake friends, three 4 the corpses

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OK, uh, well, look. Here’s what’s up. Swag Toof are a rap group that I am friendly with. Their members are named Ouija and Choirboy. They live in New York, they are really cool guys, and I happen to enjoy their music a lot. Ouija and I DM about random bullshit on Twitter a lot, and recently he sent me their new EP, which they’re calling Rainbrella. I really liked it, so I asked him if I could premiere it on my cool blog. Ouija said yes, and now that is what is happening right now.

Ouija noted via DM, “You can search for this bitch by emoji it’s fucking lit Drew!” And while I don’t understand emoji or general technology stuff enough to verify this, I did read a thing about how you can now search Pornhub by emoji, so I don’t doubt that if you searched for Rainbrella on Soundcloud by the purple umbrella emoji you’d probably find it.

ANYHOO, so Rainbrella is basically what you’d get if Smashing Pumpkins had listened to a bunch of Three 6 Mafia and also had access to AutoTune. It’s fucking dope and extremely strange, and if you don’t like it then you clearly have not done enough drugs in your life. Ouija told me they created the lyrics for this EP collage-style, layering stream-of-consciousness lyrics on top of each other until they had something extremely dense and expressionistic that makes me feel like I’m stoned even when I’m not stoned, it’s cool I promise. Xany, nobloodnotears, and That’s Creep produced, and Swag Toof recorded and mixed this in 24 hours.

Download it on Bandcamp here (they said just enter $0.00 as the price), download it via Mediafire here, and if you wanna buy some shit from them do that here.

PRODUCTION CREDITS:

“Velvet” – Xany
“Teflon” – Nobloodnotears
“Virgin Mobile” – that’s creep
“Neosporin” – xany
“Blue Spurs” – nobloodnotears

you ain’t the only one that flip the page

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One of the many exceedingly cool things about Cam’ron is his willingness to jump on regional tracks and not Drake ’em all out. A few months ago he lent New Orleans’ Calliope Var (who’s currently serving a five-year prison sentence for racketeering) a verse for his exceedingly hot track “You Ain’t the Only One.” Prob my favorite recent Cam track besides “Go Outside,” an exercise in high Killa Comedy worth of Cam’s hero Larry David.

OH ALSO KILLA SEASON THE ALBUM TURNED TEN TODAY!!! Listen to Killa Season the album then immediately watch Killa Season the movie then listen to Killa Season again. That movie went Platinum.

Anyhoo, this track is off Calliope’s new tape Convicted, which you can grab here.