don’t play with me i’ll get you popped on your hoverboard

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N.O.R.E.’s Drunk Uncle tape was going to be a confirmed must-listen wild ride just off the strength of the Uncle Buck-referencing cover and the fact that there’s a skit of N.O.R.E. taking a piss that’s somehow “produced by Charlamagne the God”????? Like, does that mean Charlamagne was recording the sound of N.O.R.E. peeing? Or is that actually Charlamagne peeing and they just pretended it was N.O.R.E.? I dunno, but it’s a totally pleasant surprise that there are actually a few jams on this thing, basically whenever N.O.R.E. just gets to go crazy with beats that sound like late 90s Neptunes beats. “Want Me Dead” = good; “Want Me Dead” + what might be a years-old hyperactive T-Pain hook = even better. N.O.R.E. on “Giving It Up” = good, especially when he raps “This is that music you shouldn’t listen to!”; all the other dudes on “Giving It Up” = wait, why didn’t he and Vince Staples do a reggaeton song for this? And then it’s hard to fuck up N.O.R.E., Nature, Royal Flush, and Kool G. Rap on “Queens.”

But probably my favorite track on the tape is “Get Money,” which is produced by Swizzy and finds N.O.R.E. threatening to shoot someone off their hoverboard (see the title of this post). While that line will age about as well as an open bottle of Boone’s Farm, it is funny as fuck right now.

michael jackson with the work cuz i make the j’s start dancin

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Last night Lina, Nora Ephron, and I finished the OJ Simpson FX show. I really liked it, except for whenever the show tried to be meta (i.e., the Kardashian kids chanting their last name while watching TV, that guy yelling the phrase “PLOT TWIST” after that one plot twist involving the judge’s wife, etc.), but that’s just my personal preference.

The casting was amazing when it was spot-on, and even better when it wasn’t. Which is to say, literally what the fuck was going on with John Travolta the entire season were the makeup people just caking his face in silly putty before he went on set why didn’t his eyebrows move the scene where he listened to muzak in his car the Hawaiian shirt the Hawaiian shirt THE HAWAIIAN SHIRTTTTTT.

Travolta aside, I very heavily fucked with how the show managed to argue—and this is perhaps just how I read it—that OJ more than probably did it, or at least had something to do with it, yet the only logical course of action was to declare him not guilty. The final speeches by Chris Darden and Johnny Cochran really lay this out fairly plainly. As Darden points out, there really was a shit-ton of evidence linking OJ to the murder of his ex-wife and her lover, just straight-the-fuck-up, hammering the point home by cutting to the look of horror on the face of David Schwinner’s Robert Kardashian, who now fully understands he’s been aiding and abetting a murderer. But beneath the if-it-doesn’t-fit-you-must-acquits and loquacious razzle-dazzle of Johnnie Cochran lies a damn good argument that because of the institutional racism of the L.A.P.D., as well as the virulently racist attitudes of Mark Fuhrman who found key evidence in the case, there was reasonable doubt that the L.A.P.D. might have decided to skip a few steps and pin it on OJ because of his race.

To celebrate OJ getting off (AGAIN!), I spent this morning listening to a shit-ton of OJ da Juiceman, because he’s the fucking shit and the past few weeks of watching the OJ show reminded me he probably didn’t just take his name because he really likes Tropicana. History has certainly absolved Texaco Shawty in a way it didn’t the actual Juice—one went down in history as murderer and a sideshow, while the other is the pioneer of a the trap-Animaniac rap style that’s become a template for many an Atlanta rapper and ATL rap imitators the world over.

I wouldn’t begin to pretend to be some sort of great OJ scholar, but I can definitely say that his track “I Got Work,” off Alaska in Atlanta 2, is an incredibly fun rap song. OJ’s always plentiful energy seems boundless here, and the Metro Boomin’-produced beat is one of the better flips on Bangladesh’s “A Milli” template.

But hey—enough of my yakkin’. Listen to some freakin rap music.

i keep a chip in my phone

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The first famous, like actually famous, person I ever interviewed was David Banner. He’d been one of my favorite rappers all throughout college, and I was so nervous to talk to him that I actually smoked a cigarette while I was on the phone with him to keep myself from freaking out. He was great—notably, he told me that he and T.I. recorded “Rubber Band Man” in the back of a barber shop—and was generally super gracious despite my fanning out all over the place.

What’s interesting about Banner is that a few years back, he developed this insane guilt complex about having made songs like “Play,” which while extremely catchy is pretty brutally misogynistic. In 2010 he released an album called Death of a Pop Star with 9th Wonder, which unlike everything he’d done for the past decade didn’t have anything remotely resembling a hit single on it, but was actually pretty interesting if you gave it a chance. He just put out a new mixtape, titled Before the Box, and it’s really good. It definitely rides the same woke-ass wave as B.o.B.’s new music (which I am pretty sure I am the only person who enjoys), in that it definitely comes off like Banner’s been reading some InfoWars and is pretty sure there’s a secret world government and shit like that.

Anyhoo, these are the things I think about David Banner, and now that you’ve read this far you should listen to “Get Crunk,” which is from Banner’s Crooked Lettaz days and features Pimp C and is like the best song ever.

six hundred sixty six miles per hour

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I don’t know what’s gotten into me man, but lately I can’t stop listening to Kyuss’s Welcome to Sky Valley. I was walking my dog earlier tonight and started skanking like Axl Rose askin’ for some reggae down an abandoned Melrose as me and Nora Ephron (pictured above) were bumping “100 Degrees.” But there’s something about “Gardenia,” maybe the way it just sort of chugs along or the fact that it sort of seems like the lyrics are about having sex with a truck that really does it for me. Anyways, this is a slapper.

I feel like someone could sample and/or rap over a loop from the middle part of this. Or maybe that’s a terrible idea, I don’t know. Either way I’m out, peace bro.

recent writing, 3:16 edition

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Reviewed a Majid Jordan show at a cemetery. Between the cold, beautiful music; the beautifully dressed people; and the hot, beautiful space, it felt v aspirational. It also kind of sucked. I’d like to say thanks to my editor Larry for cutting my truly shitty joke about the Majid Jordan album cover looking like an X-Files promo shot.

Interviewed the extremely talented and extremely cool designer DBruze about his extremely limited run of shirts he did for Future. One of the more interesting people I’ve had the privilege of speaking with lately.

Went to the Dominican Republic with my mans Holy Mountain to cover the country’s only indie music festival. By far THE chillest time I’ve had at a music fest.

Chaperoned a Migos concert in Orange County. Rarely has a show felt as chaotic as it did that night, I got the sense that a lot of the kids there were there specifically to party. The show started extremely late, which meant that by the time Migos went on, many people in the audience had been figgity figgity fucked up for several hours. People were passing out to my left and throwing up to my right. It was great. Or at least memorable.

Wrote about what it’s like to listen to Kanye West rap about taking Lexapro as someone who deals with depression myself. This was, obviously, pretty personal. But I’m happy I wrote it.

Attended Real 92.3’s Birthday Bash. Nicki Minaj was great, but DJ Khaled—who brought out Snoop Dogg, French Montana, and Busta Rhymes, and ended his set by announcing, “WATCH OUT FOR ‘THEY'”—was even better.

Profiled Álvaro Díaz, the hottest thing smokin’ out of Puerto Rico.

 

Young King (Best of Soulja Boy Mixtape Cuts)

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So I’ve been going through a period of listening to lots and lots of Soulja Boy, for reasons that will become overwhelmingly clear later. But as I’ve been combing through his discography it really feels like a lot of the music Soulja was making five years ago inadvertently formed the backbone of how lots and lots of rap sounds right now. I don’t really want to tip my hand too much, but even if you don’t agree with my theory it’s hard to deny that from like 2009-2012 or so he had a ridiculously fruitful run of mixtapes. A lot of them have like 5 or so really ridiculously great songs on them, and it can be sort of a chore to separate the wheat from the chaff. So, since I don’t have a job and I really like Soulja Boy, I went ahead and assembled a pretty tight two-hour zip of extremely ridiculously good Soulja Boy songs. I included tracks from 1UpSkate Boy, Pretty Boy MillionairesThe KingThe Last Crown21JuicePlug TalkObey, plus a couple more that I’ve already forgotten, plus a couple features he did, plus a song I nicked from an old Martorialist compilation (long time lurker, first time admitting I read it no matter how many times he makes fun of me). I also included probably 3/4 of Mario and Domo vs. the World, which Soulja made with Young L of The Pack and is one of the best mixtapes of the 2000s. I did not include anything from The DeAndre Way, because you should just pay money for that.

ANYWAYS, download the comp here. I would say I apologize for leaving your favorite Soulja Boy mixtape cut out, but I won’t because I don’t actually care (unless you are Soulja Boy).

them haters all on the internet bloggin, talkin bout a whole buncha motherfuckin nonsense

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The remix of the Lil Kim/Charlie Wilson/T-Pain masterpiece “Download” is, well, a lot. Featuring The-Dream and Official First Web Native Rap Star Soulja Boy, the track doubles, triples, quadruples down on the conceit of the original, which flips Zapp’s “Computer Love” for the social networking era. The-Dream tenderly shooby-doo-wops and then shit-talks bloggers (always a great tactic), and Soulja Boy talks about iChat, Twitter, and the nonexistent SpellFinder. Extremely chill, but not as chill as T-Pain referring to his boner as a “hard drive.” And even though Zapp’s version isn’t an explicit rewrite of Kraftwerk’s “Computer Love,” it’s pretty inarguable that the former wouldn’t exist without the latter. Which is to say, I would like to formally add this song to the list of reasons why Soulja Boy came up out the water just as important as Kraftwerk.

http://www.livemixtapes.com/track/embed.php?id=110272&v=1